Today I celebrated the one year anniversary of my surgery to remove the cancer in my lung. As I went through the day, I couldn't help but compare it to last year. This year we woke up leisurely, and made breakfast at home together. Matthew, the kids and I went to the Yard, Garden and Patio show at the expo center. We walked around, bought some seeds, checked out greenhouses, and were smooshed like sardines as we walked the isles (it was super crowded). We hung out at home afterwords, playing Mario Brothers with the kids on the Wii. We joked around, watched some TV, and had dinner. We tucked the kids into bed, and I got to fall sleep in my own bed, free of pain, fear and worry.
Last year, I had to be at the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, and kissed Matthew goodbye right before I was wheeled into get my IV. As I laid on the gurney awaiting the anesthesiologist, I thought about my life, and what was going to happen in the surgery and how things were going to be after. We wouldn't really know the extent of the cancer until they got a look inside my lung, and until we got the lab results back from the lymph node biopsies. So I was alone with my thoughts, and a lot of uncertainty. When I was wheeled into the operating room, all I could think was "wow, this looks just like on TV". Lol. Everyone was really nice for the 2 minutes that I was awake before they knocked me out. The surgery took a bit over 4 hours, and I woke up in horrible pain. The epidural for my chest was blocking that area, but my shoulder felt like it had been dislocated - we found out later that they had pulled it back at an awkward angle for the duration of the surgery. I remember them letting Matthew in to visit me, but I could barely talk I was hurting so bad. The rest of the afternoon is a blur, I am sure I slept for most of it. That night I was in the ICU, and couldn't have any visitors. I laid there awake for a good deal of the night, mostly because I was so horribly itchy from the epidural drugs. I scratched my face raw with the brace that was holding my IV's in. I spent the next 6 days in the hospital, and unfortunately my recovery didn't go as well as promised. I was in incredible pain for most of the stay, my epidural failed, so eventually I ended up on a morphine drip, and so drugged up that my body kept forgetting to breath, so I had to go on oxygen. You can read about my memories of the hospital stay here. I had chest tubes in until the day before I was released, if you aren't squeamish, you can see a picture of them here. And just for the fun of it, a picture of the scars I am left with. They wont ever let me forget this day, and all I have to be grateful for:
Thinking back to how incredibly difficult that time was fills me with so many emotions. Today I tried not to think about them, but they snuck in anyways. I felt grouchy and irritable most of the day, and I didn't have a good reason for it. In hindsight I think I was just processing all these emotions that I was trying not to let to the surface. This was supposed to be a day of celebration - as my friend Sarah said in an email "Congratulations on one year cancer FREE"! Wow....now that's really something to celebrate isn't it?
I definitely felt support from so many people in our lives, and am constantly awed by the power of their love and prayers. I wrote on Facebook that I was celebrating my one year anniversary today, and got so many comments that really meant so much me. I have decided to post a few of the ones that really touched me here so I can have them in a place to look back on.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" - Helen Keller
(Thanks to Stephanie for sharing that quote with me ♥)
Last year, I had to be at the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, and kissed Matthew goodbye right before I was wheeled into get my IV. As I laid on the gurney awaiting the anesthesiologist, I thought about my life, and what was going to happen in the surgery and how things were going to be after. We wouldn't really know the extent of the cancer until they got a look inside my lung, and until we got the lab results back from the lymph node biopsies. So I was alone with my thoughts, and a lot of uncertainty. When I was wheeled into the operating room, all I could think was "wow, this looks just like on TV". Lol. Everyone was really nice for the 2 minutes that I was awake before they knocked me out. The surgery took a bit over 4 hours, and I woke up in horrible pain. The epidural for my chest was blocking that area, but my shoulder felt like it had been dislocated - we found out later that they had pulled it back at an awkward angle for the duration of the surgery. I remember them letting Matthew in to visit me, but I could barely talk I was hurting so bad. The rest of the afternoon is a blur, I am sure I slept for most of it. That night I was in the ICU, and couldn't have any visitors. I laid there awake for a good deal of the night, mostly because I was so horribly itchy from the epidural drugs. I scratched my face raw with the brace that was holding my IV's in. I spent the next 6 days in the hospital, and unfortunately my recovery didn't go as well as promised. I was in incredible pain for most of the stay, my epidural failed, so eventually I ended up on a morphine drip, and so drugged up that my body kept forgetting to breath, so I had to go on oxygen. You can read about my memories of the hospital stay here. I had chest tubes in until the day before I was released, if you aren't squeamish, you can see a picture of them here. And just for the fun of it, a picture of the scars I am left with. They wont ever let me forget this day, and all I have to be grateful for:
Thinking back to how incredibly difficult that time was fills me with so many emotions. Today I tried not to think about them, but they snuck in anyways. I felt grouchy and irritable most of the day, and I didn't have a good reason for it. In hindsight I think I was just processing all these emotions that I was trying not to let to the surface. This was supposed to be a day of celebration - as my friend Sarah said in an email "Congratulations on one year cancer FREE"! Wow....now that's really something to celebrate isn't it?
I definitely felt support from so many people in our lives, and am constantly awed by the power of their love and prayers. I wrote on Facebook that I was celebrating my one year anniversary today, and got so many comments that really meant so much me. I have decided to post a few of the ones that really touched me here so I can have them in a place to look back on.
Even some friends who weren't in my life when I got the diagnosis and surgery took the time to let me know they were thinking about me. I got a few emails, and text messages, and I got a wonderful surprise from my sweet friend Stephanie. She drove all the way to our house (she lives at least 30+ minutes away) to drop off a vase of gorgeous flowers and a card that was so beautiful it made me tear up. I was so touched that she would take the time to acknowledge what this day meant to me. I simply could not ask for better friends in my life, I am so extraordinarily blessed to have everything that I do. This was a day that helped me to remember all that I have to be thankful for, and all that I have to look forward too.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" - Helen Keller
(Thanks to Stephanie for sharing that quote with me ♥)
So much to be happy and thankful for Janna! You have a great perspective on life and love and family. I am proud of you for taking the steps to make your family so healthy. I love you, and glad you kicked cancers ass. Somebody has to finally and I am glad it was you! - T
That just made me tear up a bit. I am so happy for you and your family to have each other. And happy to have such a great person in my life as well. - J
Janna, I am so happy that you beat your cancer. I still remember when you called and told Mike. He was a wreck! I bawled my face off. We were both beside ourselves with facing life potentially without you. Mike was a complete zombie. We were eager to help in any way we could and were happy to take care of your family while you were in the hospital. Everybody stayed strong for you and I think you must have absorbed all of their thoughts and prayers. We are truly blessed to still have you. I look forward to many more years with my wonderful sister in law.- K