When I was around Killian's age, my brother and I started spending a lot of time out at our pseudo grandparents farm in Banks, Oregon. They were not blood related grandparents, but rather good friends of my parents who didn't have grandchildren of their own, and wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet around their old farmhouse. My mom had a couple of surgeries that she needed peace and quiet to recover from, so off to the grandparents house we would go. I remember the time we spent out there as some of my happiest memories from childhood. They had a huge amount of land, something like 80 acres, and next to their house they had a large barn, a pond, and a smaller barn that I remember being filled with goats. There were many barn cats, one that had a litter of kittens during one visit, and an old German Shepherd dog that was always outside keeping watch over us. There were a couple other kids to play with, but we spent most of our time with our grandparents. I remember my grandma watching Days of Our Lives (a soap opera) while my grandpa did crosswords in his old recliner. Their house was the first place I ever rode a ATV, the first place I discovered that people hunted Bambie (and ate it!), and the first place I ever experienced the pleasure of warming up next to an old wood stove after running around outside in the rain.
When the visits were over, and we were back home, I would spend hours drawing pictures of what my farm would look like when I was older. I had a pond of course, because I had loved watching the baby ducks follow their mama's around at my grandparents. I had places for bigger animals too; goats, horses and sheep were all on my list. And no farm would be complete without an old grizzled farm dog.
****
I found these old pictures after posting this the first time, and had to come back and add them. This first one is of my brother and I with my grandparents:
I love my grandpa's pants!! This one is of me with the goats, and the above mentioned farm dog faithfully keeping watch over me:
****
Looking back, I can say without a doubt that my experience on their farm helped shape me into the person I am today. I can remember the time I spent out there like it was yesterday, although it was at least 20+ years ago. I think the seed of loving farming was planted all those years ago, and its slowing been growing my whole life. I didn't spend a lot of time nurturing it until the last few years, and in the last 6 months its really been blossoming. I know that growing and preserving my own food, and raising animals is what I am meant to do. Forget all the fancy stuff that people attain to now - McMansions, fancy cars, vacations in Martha's Vineyard. Give me a barn that smells like animals and fresh dirt under my fingers, and I am the richest person in the world.
Sometimes I yearn so badly for land to call our own that I feel a physical ache way down to my bones. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it lately, while driving through the back roads near our house, or while talking to friends who already have land and are living their dreams. Its been really easy for me to feel depressed when I think about it, because I don't see land or farming in my future anytime soon. Sure, if I went back to work then in a few years we could probably save up enough to put a sizable down payment on some land. Theoretically, if we were both working full time, we could be out on land in less than 5 years. We could be living my dream....but what price would we have to pay? Is having a farm worth losing the opportunity to spend time with my children while they are still small? If I worked full time to afford the farm, would I ever have the time to enjoy the farm and animals I worked so hard to get? Would the farm become an emotionally draining time suck because I had too much on my plate to manage it correctly? Was what I would have to give up worth what I would stand to gain?
So there I was, driving down a country road, thinking that maybe I would never have a farm because I could never make those sacrifices, and that maybe my dream would stay just that....a dream. And then suddenly I saw a different path, a different way to look at a goal that seems so far out of reach. What if I took all that energy that I was spending daydreaming about farm life, and used it instead to get busy living that life? Now obviously my homes association would never go for a milking cow in the backyard - but there are plenty of other things that I can do to work towards my dream. There are so many things that I want to be able to do on our farm...so why not look at this time in my life as my chance to learn all of those skills? The more I can learn now, the more hands on work I can do, and the more mistakes and successes I have, the more prepared I will be when the day comes where we do have a farm.
That simple little shift in my perspective, that small difference in my way of thinking has opened up so many doors in my mind that I don't know which one to go through first. I am excited again, I am passionate again, I am full of life again. Now instead of focusing on what I don't have, I am instead thinking of all that I do have. I have wonderful friends who have farms that are happy to let me learn from them, I have a garden at my house to experiment with, and I am fortunate enough to be able to attend classes that can teach me new skills, and help me refine old ones. And most importantly, I have a husband who is supportive of my dreams, who is ready to help me achieve them, and who will hold my hand through all the ups and downs on the way. I am truly a lucky woman to have all of these doors to walk through - now its up to me to make sure I take the steps to walk through them. That cow will be mine one of these days!
When the visits were over, and we were back home, I would spend hours drawing pictures of what my farm would look like when I was older. I had a pond of course, because I had loved watching the baby ducks follow their mama's around at my grandparents. I had places for bigger animals too; goats, horses and sheep were all on my list. And no farm would be complete without an old grizzled farm dog.
****
I found these old pictures after posting this the first time, and had to come back and add them. This first one is of my brother and I with my grandparents:
I love my grandpa's pants!! This one is of me with the goats, and the above mentioned farm dog faithfully keeping watch over me:
****
Looking back, I can say without a doubt that my experience on their farm helped shape me into the person I am today. I can remember the time I spent out there like it was yesterday, although it was at least 20+ years ago. I think the seed of loving farming was planted all those years ago, and its slowing been growing my whole life. I didn't spend a lot of time nurturing it until the last few years, and in the last 6 months its really been blossoming. I know that growing and preserving my own food, and raising animals is what I am meant to do. Forget all the fancy stuff that people attain to now - McMansions, fancy cars, vacations in Martha's Vineyard. Give me a barn that smells like animals and fresh dirt under my fingers, and I am the richest person in the world.
Sometimes I yearn so badly for land to call our own that I feel a physical ache way down to my bones. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it lately, while driving through the back roads near our house, or while talking to friends who already have land and are living their dreams. Its been really easy for me to feel depressed when I think about it, because I don't see land or farming in my future anytime soon. Sure, if I went back to work then in a few years we could probably save up enough to put a sizable down payment on some land. Theoretically, if we were both working full time, we could be out on land in less than 5 years. We could be living my dream....but what price would we have to pay? Is having a farm worth losing the opportunity to spend time with my children while they are still small? If I worked full time to afford the farm, would I ever have the time to enjoy the farm and animals I worked so hard to get? Would the farm become an emotionally draining time suck because I had too much on my plate to manage it correctly? Was what I would have to give up worth what I would stand to gain?
So there I was, driving down a country road, thinking that maybe I would never have a farm because I could never make those sacrifices, and that maybe my dream would stay just that....a dream. And then suddenly I saw a different path, a different way to look at a goal that seems so far out of reach. What if I took all that energy that I was spending daydreaming about farm life, and used it instead to get busy living that life? Now obviously my homes association would never go for a milking cow in the backyard - but there are plenty of other things that I can do to work towards my dream. There are so many things that I want to be able to do on our farm...so why not look at this time in my life as my chance to learn all of those skills? The more I can learn now, the more hands on work I can do, and the more mistakes and successes I have, the more prepared I will be when the day comes where we do have a farm.
That simple little shift in my perspective, that small difference in my way of thinking has opened up so many doors in my mind that I don't know which one to go through first. I am excited again, I am passionate again, I am full of life again. Now instead of focusing on what I don't have, I am instead thinking of all that I do have. I have wonderful friends who have farms that are happy to let me learn from them, I have a garden at my house to experiment with, and I am fortunate enough to be able to attend classes that can teach me new skills, and help me refine old ones. And most importantly, I have a husband who is supportive of my dreams, who is ready to help me achieve them, and who will hold my hand through all the ups and downs on the way. I am truly a lucky woman to have all of these doors to walk through - now its up to me to make sure I take the steps to walk through them. That cow will be mine one of these days!
